I’ve been waiting for this
God I love you people.
when it turns from winter to spring
when bae comes over
when you can backflip and take your pants off simultaneously
Robert Downey, Jr. consoles a young boy in tears because Iron Man isn’t in his costume.
… I don’t know who looks more distraught: Downey or the kid
"oh no I let it down, what am I, who am I, I’m a fraud"
no no i think robert downey jr. is also just now realizing for the first time that he isn’t iron man
my emergency survival kit is just gonna be a dog. maybe a bandaid.
When people ask how you’re doing at the end of the semester
[sleep-over voice] are you awake
[sleep-over reply voice] yeah
[regrettable sleepover invitee voice] you guys SHH
[confused sleep-over voice] what is the meaning of life
[annoyed sleep-over voice] dude shut up
[sleep-over host voice] you guys be quiet my moms gonna hear us
[unknown voice] you kids wanna buy some drugs
I took my girlfriend to an improv show the other night and during intermission we were passionately arguing over whether half a 5 Hour Energy shot would give you 2.5 hours of energy or 5 hours of half-assed energy so we turned around to ask the opinions of the three people behind us and one of them said “Are all your arguments like this because we heard you in the lobby earlier fighting over the right way to pronounce ‘egg’?”